I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
