ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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