Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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