I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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