My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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