I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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