the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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