sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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