I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
