I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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