i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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