I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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