why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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