i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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