I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
40s are totally the cure
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
