Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
wow bdsm is so cute
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
