yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this will be a night to untag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
