i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
