Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
