dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
