All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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