someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
