Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
