Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
