true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
