Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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