well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
