nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
