3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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