Need sex. Gaining weight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
