Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
