I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
