As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
