she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
