I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
