Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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