I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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