i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
