My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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