Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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