dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
