Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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