No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
