Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
