What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
