is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
