I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
