you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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