you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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