I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
