Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
North Korea, Best Korea!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
