Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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