So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
