Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
